You say you loved me, but you left
by StillIRise
Summary: "I loved you more than my own life, but never again more than my self-respect."


"Bella, as if a world could exist where I could stop loving you. How utterly absurd?" Edward shook his head, amazed, "Honestly, Bella, how could you have believed me?"

She froze in the that cold embrace. Them, her brain registered the words. "I knew it," She wailed, eyes leaking with salty, stinging tears.

Edward looked alarmed, before she continued, "I knew this was dream."

How else could her beautiful, perfect Edward make her so very anger?

 _How could **you** have believed me?_

How could the real, genuine Edward make such a backhanded apology?

 _How could **you** have believed me?_

How could the man she loved blame her for trusting that he would say what he meant?

 _How could **you** have believed me?_

"This isn't a dream," Edward chuckled, the sound low and frustrated. He turned her face with his infuriating vampire strength, bending low to kiss her.

"Please, don't."

He paused, "Bella, I love you."

"I just want to wake up," she said, exhausted and hurt. She was scarred and sleepy. She was hallucinating.

He let go of her space and spun a tale about how she had been the light in his dull galaxy. She had been hiscomet and when she was gone, everything existed but he had changed.

"Hmm," she murmured, struggling not to cry because suddenly she understood.

She was Charlie. Edward was her Renee.

Edward loved intensely like her mom, but it was temporary and fleeting. Her mom had been like the bird, something unable to caged. She was always flying with a careless freedom, forever nudging others to take a dive back up, but at the end there was always another destination in mind and another opportunity to explore. She had fun as did others, never realizing that the people she left behind felt used and abandoned.

Edward wasn't reliable enough to be her forever man.

The truth of that sent spasms of pain throughout her soul.

It left her gasping for breathe and shaking in a cold marble embrace. She keened like a mournful raven, "I want to wake up."

"Bella," he murmured, his voice as sweet as lullaby, but words puncturing as sharp as any knife, "You're not dreaming. I love you. I have always-"

"Then, why don't you show it?" she shrieked, unable to contain herself. He looked at her, hurt. But, now that she spoke, she couldn't stop the floodgate of words from seeping out of the dam that was her mouth. "Edward, you lied to me. You've been lying ever since they day I met you. I get that you couldn't tell me what you were, but you pushed me away and tugged me closer all at the same time. God, I was on a hospital bed and I cried, pleaded, and begged you to never leave me. You left. Its not just that you took control over a decision that mattered between the two of us. You left me at that forest, bleeding and broken."

He looked at her, alarmed. "I left you on the trail."

"I just did what I've done since day one," Bella said, shrugging carelessly, "I chased after you. Edward, I don't mean physically. You left me bleeding and broken in here." She made him rest his hand on her fragile human heart, "You told me I wasn't good enough, and I believed you. But, I had to try."

His hand left her heart and captured her hands.

"Blasphemy," he reminded, sincerely, "Bella, I never meant that. It is I who never deserved you. Back in the forest, I could see that you wouldn't let go."

She shrugged again, "I still chased after you, but I can't do that anymore."

"You have me," he protested, vehemently, before adding uncertainly, "Unless there is someone else."

"That's none of your business," she snapped and he looked surprised, suspicious, and hurt. He admitted ruefully, "I suppose that's fair."

"Edward Anthony Cullen," she whispered, cradling his head gently in her hands, "I am utterly and completely in love with you. However, I cannot see a future with as you are know. I cannot have a future with so controlling, manipulative, deceitful, and unreliable. I need you to leave."

Instantly, he was off the bed and his back against her wall, voice uncertain, "You _want_ me to leave?"

"I _need_ you to leave," she confessed honestly, before adding bitterly, "You're good at that."

He flinched, visibly tortured. In an overly formal voice, he asked, "Will I be permitted to see you again?"

"Maybe," she said, sighing at the hopeful glint in his eyes. "Get out."

In a slow, human-like pace, he left.

She closed the window shut, and slid down the wall. She hugged her knees to her chest.

Was this some form of the monkey's paw. Hadn't she wished for him to come back and love her again? Victory had never felt so hollow.

Forgiveness was a character of the strong. She didn't know if she had the strength to be strong.

Deliberately, rashly, she made a decision that she hoped Alice could see. She unfolded herself, head held high.

"I don't forgive you, Edward," she said, out loud. "Don't speak to me. Don't talk to me. For two weeks, you will give me space. At the end, you will tell me why I did not forgive you. You will not tell me why you betrayed me, only what actions betrayed me and the consequences of those actions. You will give me this in a letter, recording, or video via family member. You will not look at me. You will not touch me. You and your family must not press me for a response. For the next two weeks, we will correspond through letters, recordings, or videos. In those last two weeks, we will negotiate a contract with one rule added each of those days. Something along the lines of _I will discuss decisions with my mate as an equal._ You will not look at me. You will not touch me. At the end of the the month, we'll both know whether this relationship can be salvaged, if it can be saved."

She raised her head higher, "Today or tomorrow, loudly knock twice if we have an agreement."

There was complete and utter silence.

 _Knock. Knock._

"I missed you, my lion," she let out a relieved sob, confessing for the second time that night, "I love you, Edward."

She closed her eyes, ready to drift and too tired to move to the bed. "I loved you more than my own life, but never again more than my self-respect." She was startled awake by a surprising sound.

 _Knock. Knock._


End file.
